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In a world where old traditions and old attitudes are subject to change, deciding what to call the partner in your life can be a tough call. Hereâs one way to solve this pressing social dilemma.
by Jennifer Leppington-Clark*
I remember the first time I was able to call someone my boyfriend. It was a heady feeling. He was mine, I was his. We were a couple and the whole world knew it. It was part of the passage of teenage hood.
But as you get older, or when youâve been in a committed relationship with someone for a long time calling them your boyfriend feels, well, ⊠naff. And, anyway heâs not a boy. Heâs a MAN!
The thing is, Iâm not sure thereâs a suitable replacement word available.
âPartnerâ, the next most used option, can lead to misinterpretation. I once booked a holiday for my âpartner and Iâ only to see the landlady of the B&B bitterly disappointed that I arrived with a man and that I wasnât the lesbian sheâd presumed was staying.
âGentleman friendâ reminds me of something my grandmother would say. âGentleman callerâ is downright creepy and âSignificant otherâ feels dehumanising.
So what is one to do?
Iâll admit that in the past Iâve referred to my man as my husband because itâs easier. It provides a sense of security when faced with another man who I feel slightly uneasy about (in a panicky, feeling threatened kind of way) as the word husband immediately signals to the world, âstay back, Iâm spoken forâ.
Language legitimises relationships and tells everyone what to expect. By not being married, yet choosing to be committed to one other person means that I fall outside of this safety zone. For my generation, marriage is no longer a pre-requisite for a socially acceptable relationship between two mature people. But that also means we have to create our own language.
While I donât believe that my relationship needs to be labelled or defined, I can see that we need a way to refer to it.
So what is he to me? He is my sounding board, my confidant, the person who I most long to see and spend time with. Heâs my lover, my safe place and most importantly my best friend.
And maybe thatâs all I need to say.
* Jennifer is describes herself as a writer, foodie, dĂ©cor diva, animal lover and blogger. Sheâs also trying-to-learn to love running. She works as an group account director at a global PR firm in Johannesburg. Follow her on Twitter @jenn_lep.
** This article first appeared on the Change Exchange, an online platform by BrightRock, provider of the first-ever life insurance that changes as your life changes.