SLR Diary: Political hypocrisy, home and abroad, and a shitty Indian wedding

When satirical contributor Simon Lincoln Reader puts pen to paper, you undoubtedly know his felt tip will touch a few nerves. And this week is no different as Reader talks all things crap on the Guptas getting hitched in India, plus how Marianne Thamm should be deemed a South African national treasure after getting her hands dirty collecting the EFF’s garbage. Reader also highlights how UK politics is, erm, just as hypocritical as that in South Africa. – Stuart Lowman

By Simon Lincoln Reader*

Reluctantly I would argue that headlines announcing that the Guptas have been fined for shitting in public are not entirely accurate. Make no mistake, I would love to believe that Ajay and Atul were caught by authorities squatting in open view as they discussed the costumes on the latest episode of Dancing on Ice. But this did not happen, despite metaphorical implication, apropos to how these slobs treated South Africa.

The truth is still an accurate enough illustration: the company they hired to produce their wedding(s), in an ecologically sensitive part of India, did not provide facilities for the staff to relieve themselves – presumably because there was little or no budget. So the discharge did not belong to the brothers, but in all probability to wretched workers being subjected to slave conditions. Unadulterated Gupta form.

**

If Marianne Thamm is not crowned a National Treasure soon I will start a petition. Despite our ideological persuasions, I would much rather live under a so-called left wing government filled with people like her than a so-called conservative one filled with “progressives”.

Her latest column exposing the behaviour of EFF members in Camps Bay is important for two reasons. Firstly, it’s an example of how investigative journalism is done  to all those Buzzfeed, Huffington Post, Vice and This Now outraged snowflakes writing about conversations they almost certainly haven’t had with their cats, or how wind is racist.

Secondly, it’s an analysis of similarities between ANTIFA and this party; in addition to default violence, both groups are possessed by a willingness to re-enact historical catastrophe, as well as the thinking that success in academia is the ultimate status. Marianne doesn’t write to tell you things you already know, but rather things you shouldn’t forget.

Far from being anarchistic, political upstarts, both the EFF and ANTIFA are today very much the establishment.

**

I find it extremely difficult to examine the rampant hypocrisy of some quarters of contemporary liberal elite whilst sober. But aided by (a lot of) Chateau d’Esclans’ finest, I am able to list some observations about my experiences with Liberal Democrat supporters on the beach in Saint-Jean-Cap-Ferrat.

I do not doubt the importance of the party. As the United Kingdom progresses toward the election of a new Conservative (!) leader and the deadline of European Union withdrawal, so does this party’s popularity increase, with its own pending election of a new leader (probably Sir Edward Davey, as the other contender Jo Swinson is, erm, more unpleasant) and the growing desperation to locate compromise.

The Lib Dems are now arguably the de facto party of the 48% Remainers, the most cohesive and organised political body behind the demand for a second referendum.

**

My first encounter with a Liberal Democrat MP occurred in a garden in Johannesburg where I witnessed the woman defend a fraudster with unshakeable conviction, like she had trained her own bursts and plumes of flatulence to sound like Beethoven’s “Hammerklavier”.

The first thing I noticed about this party: they are much, much better than you. They are better educated, more adjusted, wealthier and most importantly, they “think” better than you.

Until the referendum of 2016, they were able to disguise it: whereas with Labour supporters where you’re never certifiably Marxist enough, or with Conservatives where you’re never white enough, the Lib Dems seemed more accessible (that is, if you’re in the habit of trusting white liberals). But the result of June 23rd 2016 changed that, and has since revealed many of them as paranoid conspiracists, obsessed with Vladimir Putin, their contempt for Leave voters indistinguishable from people like the Miliband brothers.

Having established that they are superior to everyone, we move to hypocrisy.

**

An example of the breathtaking double standards that only five bottles of Whispering Angel can arrest: Lib Dem’s Jo Swinson claims that “she has campaigned tirelessly on the environment – even joined local menace Extinction Rebellion on the streets”.

Well done Jo. Really, that was thoughtful of you…so if you’ve gone and done all that…why did you accept a £10k donation from a director of an energy firm who has licenses to frack across the country?

This example neatly explains their addiction to Greta Thunberg (the 16 year old Swedish girl who is being cajoled and manipulated into talking a whole heap of steaming Gupta). “If you’ve got a problem with Greta,” Lib Dem supporters I’ve met some months ago declared, “then you’re actually the problem.”

  • Simon Lincoln Reader works and lives in London.