đź”’ WORLDVIEW: Before you emigrate, consider this question

I’ve met a lot of South African ex-pats around the world – in the US, the UK, Ireland, and even Germany. They all had their reasons for deciding to emigrate and for going to the places they’ve gone.

However, one thing I’ve noticed is that a lot of them have what I’d call an AA problem. Let me explain.

There’s a saying in Alcoholics Anonymous circles – a saying that is also the title of a great book by Jon Kabat-Zinn – “Wherever you go, there you are.” In AA, it’s used in the context of what some call the “geographical cure” – the attempt to end your drinking problem by moving to a new city. Unsurprisingly, perhaps, the geographical cure for alcoholism seldom works, because wherever you go, there you are – along with all your problems.
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If you don’t work on your basic problems, moving around is not going to change anything. If you cope with life by drinking when you’re in Johannesburg, you’re going to cope with life by drinking when you’re in Jakarta. You don’t need new scenery. You need a new coping mechanism.

A lot of the ex-pat South Africans I meet decided to leave SA and emigrate because they were unhappy. They didn’t like the way SA was being run, they didn’t like their jobs and felt they were being overlooked (often for political reasons), they were worried about crime, and so on.

Most of the people who left SA because they were miserable are still miserable in their new countries. They dislike the weather, they feel overlooked at work because they are immigrants, they don’t like the politicians that are running things, and they’re suspicious of their neighbours. In other words, they have gone somewhere, but they’re still there – along with all their problems.

The reality is that if you are a pessimistic, negative person, you will find a way to be unhappy no matter what your circumstances. Similarly, if you’re a positive, upbeat optimist, you’ll be happy wherever you are.

Now, I’m not arguing that external circumstances are irrelevant.

There’s plenty of evidence that people are happiest when they’re living in a country with low crime, low inequality, strong states that offer social benefits, plenty of vacation time, good levels of employment, and decent living standards. Just take a look at the World Happiness Report for evidence that the welfare state creates the greatest levels of joy.

Conversely, people living in war-torn countries, poor countries, highly unequal countries, and dangerous countries with weak governments, a poor economy, and high levels of unemployment tend to be relatively unhappy.

In SA, with its world-leading levels of income and wealth inequality, extensive security problems, and high unemployment, it’s natural for people to feel blue – especially the people who are on the receiving end of the country’s social problems.

However, by definition, most of the people who emigrate are the people with the means to emigrate. They have the money, the skills, the education, and the connections to pull off an international relocation and land on their feet. This suggests that they are not the people who were being hurt by things like SA’s poor educational system or wealth inequality. For the most part, they’re people who enjoyed decent lifestyles in SA.

The point I’m making is that, despite this, they tended to focus on the bad aspects of their lives, rather than the positive aspects. It’s no surprise, then, that when they emigrate, they find plenty to be unhappy about in their new homes. No country is perfect – most are very far from perfect – and if you prefer to look on the sour side, you’ll always find plenty to complain about.

Thus, for many ex-pat South Africans, the houses are too small, the weather is too wet, the neighbours are too unfriendly, and there are too many foreigners (excluding, presumably, them).

In contrast, the happiest ex-pats I meet are the ones who left SA for positive reasons – an exciting job offer, an educational opportunity, or the thrill of travelling to new places. These are people who were pulled abroad by hope, not pushed abroad by fear, and for the most part, they have found plenty to love about their new homes.

If you’re thinking of leaving SA, let me encourage you to think hard about why you’re going. If it’s because you’re excited about the possibilities of a new home and looking forward to working hard to earn your place in a new and possibly unfriendly society, then go for it.

If you’re leaving in a cloud of fear and rage, however, consider the possibility that the grass isn’t going to be greener on the other side, just different. There may be no crime, but there will be high taxes and social welfare benefits for people who you will think don’t deserve them. You may not be facing perceived racial discrimination, but foreigners can find job markets hostile regardless of their skin colour. The schools may be better, but your child could also end up the victim of a mass shooting.

Changing location will change your life. But it won’t change you. That type of change only comes from within. So, before you pack your bags, ask yourself who you are, because when you get to your destination, you’ll find yourself waiting there.

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