It’s a lingering enigma of any great sporting relationship. The girlfriend who loves rugby as much as she loves her boyfriend, turns into the wife who forgets all about the game while her husband carries on cheering. What does it take, on and off the field, to keep that mutual passion ablaze?
By Rochelle Barrish
What is it about a simple ring that turns the attentive girlfriend into a disinterested wife? Ah, girlfriends. They will faithfully accompany their boyfriends to the game and the pub and wherever rugby is being shown. Then you marry them and bam, you’re relegated to watching rugby in the shed or only when she’s not home.
Because what is the courting game without the intricate web of lies we spin? My web of lies included “love watching rugby, golf and cricket”. I loved watching these sports until my boyfriend fell head over heels for me and decided he didn’t want to live another day without me.
My first intro to rugby was my dad. Back in the day of Noord-Transvaal vs WP. On match days my dad could be heard shouting his guts out for WP and hating on Noord-Transvaal with all his might. The only thing that got him more worked up than Noord-Transvaal beating WP, was if us kids were noisy and he couldn’t hear the radio commentary of the match.
Thanks to dad and Radio 2000 I knew some rugby words and could follow the big moments of a game, but not the technicalities. The next time I paid any attention to rugby was the RWC tournaments of 1995, 1999 and 2003.
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Then in 2004 I met this guy in our IT department at a publishing house. At first glance he didn’t give off any rugby-crazed vibes until it was too late. By the time I realised I’m dating my dad’s reincarnation I was too far gone. I was watching rugby again. As a girlfriend.
And as soon as he slipped that ring on my finger, I slipped into the bad habit of completely losing interest in his interests. He lost his sports buddy, the super cool girlfriend his married friends envied. As a fiancé I felt secure enough to say no thanks to sports watching and to encourage him to find a new sports buddy. Also, I had a wedding to plan so completely lost sight of the man behind my fiancé.
Fourteen years into our marriage, I’m sitting in the BrightRock suite at Newlands with my husband and feeling the gees. Watching a game live is nothing new to him, he’s at Newlands for most games, but it’s my first time as a wife.
The vibe is fantastic and so contagious that I find myself being carried away. The Stormers lost but at least it was not to the Blue Bulls. I was lost most of the time as I don’t know my lost forward from my off-side or double pumping at the line-out and tackled players not releasing the ball. All I know is try, conversion, penalty and high tackle.
When I’m watching at home I can ask my exasperated husband why the ref blew his whistle and he will pause and explain. I felt like I was the only person in that suite that didn’t know their rugby and I didn’t like the feeling.
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Elton was chatting away and commiserating with other knowledgeable fans and I felt like there was this whole other side of my husband that I didn’t know. He was not just rugby crazy, he could give those sports presenters in the studio a run for their money with his brilliant rugby knowledge. I felt proud and also a bit left out.
The very next weekend, I turned our lounge into a sporty lounge with yummy snacks and a stocked fridge. I had the laptop ready to search unknown terms and positions, so as not to interrupt the husband too much, and I was determined to watch rugby with an open mind from now on.
No more moaning about “rugby again” and asking how many championships and cups and super what-nots one can actually watch. I want to learn more about this other side of my husband. The side I’ve lost out on because of my bad habit of dismissing the sports watching side of him as it didn’t interest me.
This wife is going to find her inner girlfriend and drop the bad habits of the complacent wife. She’s going to pick up the good habits of the attentive girlfriend, and be interested in every aspect of her guy. Not just the ones which suits her.
And the next time I’m at a game I won’t be sitting next to my husband like a trophy wife with nothing to contribute to the conversation. I want to be able to shout “Mr Ref, that was hands in the ruck!” and have everyone around me agreeing with me and remarking on what an adorable team Elton and I make because we enjoy the rugby together.
