Sibusiso Mkwanazi: I will stand up for President Zuma

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Sbu Mkwanazi – standing up for JZ 

South African President Jacob Zuma has been pilloried in the media for his “get stuffed” attitude towards criticism around the hundreds of millions of taxpayer’s money spent upgrading his private homestead in rural KZN. Most outspoken of the critics point out Zuma already has the use of Presidential mansions in Cape Town and Pretoria (the latter with its own golf course). At last, a writer is standing up for the embattled leader of the ANC as you’ll read in a column Sbu Mkwanazi has given us permission to republish. Sure to brighten your day. – AH      

By Sibusiso Mkwanazi*

Finally, that thorn in everyone’s side, the Public Protector Thuli Madonsela has released her report on Nkandlagate. She has lambasted the SAPS, ministers, state attorneys and everyone else for letting the costs of the project spiral out of control, with a final bill  of about R250 million.

As a journalist, it is my duty to be fair, objective and unbiased and with that in mind, I disagree with every single enraged South African, Madonsela and the official opposition.

This is the president of South Africa and it is vital that his organic chickens be kept in the most secure chicken run ever imagined, while his A-Grade cows have to be enclosed in the world’s most elaborate kraal, because after all, they will surely be used to pay lobola for the 100 first ladies that South African citizens will once again fund. Duh!

Mr President, do not listen to anyone who goes against you, as I believe you when you say that you had no idea what was going on in your own backyard. None of us really ever know why tippers, architects and other service providers suddenly pop up on our properties anyway. You did not even bat an eyelid when the bricklayers for those low-cost rondavels were cat-whistling at MaKhumalo.

Sir, how were you supposed to know that what started off as a R25 million project would balloon to about R250 million? What your detractors are conveniently forgetting is that you only have a primary school education and this is evident each time you have to deliver a speech that has numbers in it. How do they expect you to know the difference between R25 million and in excess of R250 million, when it is all the same to you?

Mr Zuma, rumours are rife that because of some petty allegations of a tiny fire pool and a tuck shop that will bolster your security needs, you might not get a second term in office, and I think this would the most tragic event ever to befall our beautiful land. Who would comedians look up to? Who would I be inspired by when I sit to write this column?

However sir, if you ever decide to step down as our fearless leader, may I suggest you take up the role of ambassador for Teflon, as nothing sticks to you sir. Not corruption and rape charges, not the extremely sticky Guptas, not the adhesive Schabir Schaik, not even a Matric certificate sir.

While you are at it, may you please propose that Mac Maharaj be the Proteas’ number one spin bowler, because when it comes to spinning the truth, he is simply the best.

* Sbu Mkwanazi is a columnist and a lifestyle and entertainment writer who writes for The Citizen, The Sunday Times, The South African, Sawubona and O Magazine.

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