What losing my job taught me about finding my way

Oftentimes life will take us down a path that at that very moment in time, seems the workings of a cruel, spiteful and unreasoning fate. It is difficult not to find ourselves firmly planted in the ‘Why-me’ camp of self-pity and despair, crippled by fear – the clear lack of control, when we have been reared to believe so strongly that we are the masters of our own destiny, can be devastating. It is in these pertinent moments, when life does what life does, and brings up situations like looming retrenchment, that a change in perspective is what we need. Dave Luis writes beautifully about his experience in one of those times of upheaval – and opportunity. – CH

This article first appeared on the Change Exchange, an online platform by BrightRock, provider of the first-ever life insurance that changes as your life changes.

By Dave Luis*

When the rumours of another round of retrenchments surfaced, I did what many rational adults do in situations like this: I panicked. Fear gripped my heart, and I lost the plot.

Over the next four weeks, I pulled my boss into private meetings, saying “Look – I hear things. I hear things outside the company and the other staff are talking. Are we being sold? Are there retrenchments coming – what is going on?”

“Nothing is going on,” he answered, time and again. “You read the CEO’s email. Now is not the time to be looking for another job.”

But the rumours grew like high school gossip, and so his words did nothing more than fuel my paranoia. My colleague and I had ‘emergency chats’, trying desperately to instil in each other a calm assurance that neither of us felt.

“Of course they can’t get rid of us! We do so much here! Who will look after the brand, Twitter, events, PR, campaigns, copy, and brand reports..?”

Eventually I became crippled with fear. I was incapable of doing productive work. I kept trawling tech media sites and Twitter, for any mention of restructuring or a sale of the business. I distrusted anything management said to me and I started to resent the type of employee I was becoming. I lost sight of the goal.

The Thursday that the email was sent out by the CEO, my heart sank. So it was true. I felt betrayed and lied to. But more than that, my fear crystallised into a full-blown anxiety attack. I tried to calm myself down on the couch and closed my eyes, willing the fear into submission. I failed. Miserably.

I had bills to pay – a car, rent, a new phone I was paying off – a bank loan. How was I going to survive without a job? I phoned a friend.

“I’m being retrenched and I can’t pay my bills and I don’t have a job and everything is falling apart!” I wailed.

“Just calm down! We’ve got this. You have a large network of friends in the industry. Someone will have something.” She replied. She had to repeat herself a couple of times to break through my panic until eventually, from exhaustion and her calming words, I fell asleep.

It was the first good night’s sleep I’d had in a long time.

Friday came, and the severance letters were handed out. Strangely, I was calm. Somewhere, between the panic and my friend’s words and the sleep, I had found acceptance. I calmly signed my papers, accepting their offer, and arranged that I would collect my personal things on Monday.

On Saturday, I went on the beach walk I had planned a few weeks earlier, with a friend who is also a former boss. “So what’s new with you and work?” she asked as we watched her new Dalmatian pup run happily after a gull.

“Well, I was retrenched yesterday.” I replied.

After a moment, she said, “The timing couldn’t be better.”

I thought she was being sarcastic, but she added: “One of my team has been promoted to a new position, and I have an opening. None of the candidates I’ve seen so far have been up to the job. Would you consider applying?”

Of course I would. We went over the job and what it entailed, and I put in my CV and application.

On Monday I walked into my old office, and packed my things.

“Are you going to be okay?” the business support manager asked me.

“I’m going to be just fine.” I said. “I start my new job at 12 today.”

Fear is a huge obstacle. It stopped me from being productive. It disrupted my life far more than the actual retrenchment did. The lesson to me is clear. Nurture your network and friendships, and never, ever burn your bridges, because sometimes they show the way back to life.

* Dave Luis is the poster boy for “had it all, lost it all – starting over from scratch”. He writes very publicly about overcoming addiction and being a rape survivor, and does motivational talks about addiction and healing, as part of the Fresh Group’s diversity project for Allan Gray. Dave is a prolific blogger and is incredibly passionate about food (his Instagram andblog testify to this!) but swears he is not an emotional eater. Most of that last sentence is true. He lives in Strand and endures the daily commute to his office in Claremont by thinking about the beautiful beach sunset at the end of the return trip each day.