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Some react with misplaced pity, some with confusion born of ignorance, when a lovely, loving couple with Down Syndrome announce their intention to marry. The truth is, they have just as much right as anyone else to claim the happiness of their Big Day.
By Amanda Spohr*
My niece is in her 20s, and is about to be married. She is beautiful, strong-willed and independently minded. She loves reading, music and dancing, and has a penchant for hyperbole – not to mention a fiery temper and extremely high expectations.
By now you’re guessing I’m gearing up to introduce her as a typical young Bridezilla. But no. That’s somewhat true, only a bit; but that’s not it. My niece is like every other bride in the world – excited, terrified, hopeful, madly in love, a little moody – except for one thing. She and her fiancé both have Down syndrome.
People’s reaction to this news is interesting, and shows how little equipped our society is to deal with anyone different. Someone bluntly asked my sister, when she told them of her daughter’s wedding: “Is that even possible?” She was not quite sure what to make of this question. Are they asking whether it’s legally possible for people with Down syndrome to be married? Or are they questioning the capacity of people with Down syndrome to love someone and commit to them?
On both counts, the answer is clear. Of course it’s possible. Someone else pityingly described their future together as sad. Since when is a wedding a sad affair? And others seem to think that the wedding doesn’t have to be on quite as grand a scale as a “real wedding”. This wedding is for real, people – it’s a life-long commitment by two people who love each other.
My niece looks a little different, she has some specific health issues because of her condition, and she faces some very real and difficult intellectual challenges. But she is capable of deep and passionate love, and she has found it in her adoring fiancé. Every day, she struggles for acceptance in a world where people’s pre-conceived ideas and ignorance constrain her.
Stereotypes cast her as ignorant and slow or perpetually cheerful and tender-hearted; none of which comes anywhere near describing her vibrant and complex character.
She wants from life what all of us want. Fulfilling work, independence, a sense of purpose and accomplishment, love, a family. But because of a freak accident that took place at the moment of her conception, these things have not come easily to her. In fact, many of these things will never come to her. And every day, she faces up to that knowledge and she fights hard for those things that she can have.
So she’s fighting with everything she’s got for the happiest, most wonderful wedding day. And beyond that, she’s fighting for a joyful, fulfilling life with the man she loves. Because it isn’t just possible for her to love and be loved, it is essential. And seeing her claim her right to happiness inspires me and it fills me with the deepest pride and the greatest joy, and not with pity or sadness.
* Amanda Spohr is a Reputation Management Executive at BrightRock.
** This article first appeared on the Change Exchange, an online platform by BrightRock, provider of the first-ever life insurance that changes as your life changes. The opinions expressed in this piece are the writer’s own and don’t necessarily reflect the views of BrightRock.
