Red flags in your kid’s digital minefield

As I read this story, I think of the farming element in my family and how many rural parents might scoff at a thing like a Clinic for Interactive Media and Internet Disorders. That's because their parenting (and the conducive environment) hardly needs these cures and mitigation measures, because they're already integrated into their kids' lifestyles. They're out and about, horse-riding, fishing, hunting, biking, hiking, visiting kids on neighbouring farms, often riding there on a motorbike or driving a vehicle they're too young to be licensed for. Yet make no mistake, these kids are not immune to the addictive lure of digital media. This story provides some pragmatic advice and waves some red flags. What struck me is that most kids seen at the above mentioned clinic suffer from ADHD or social anxiety. These (often undiagnosed) conditions lead to children seeking the easy stimulus of a screen or play station. Devices are much safer than interacting with people. I love the counter-intuitive advice; sit down with your kid, take a play-station console; join in. A screen shouldn't replace a parent. Also; don't ration screen time (that's like adding chocolate to ice-cream) – increasing the allure. Rather limit it, encourage alternatives, recreational-planning. Other picks? Device-free zones, leading by adult example, family suppers. Nice when science and age-old farm-wisdom embrace, ne? – Chris Bateman___STEADY_PAYWALL___.Does your kid spend too much time online? Here's when to worry.By Sumathi Reddy(The Wall Street Journal) – Twitch. Fortnite. Netflix.Many parents worry that their kids spend too much time on social media, video games and other digital technology. Some are concerned enough to ask doctors for help.Parents may have reason to worry, says paediatrician Michael Rich, director of Boston Children's Hospital's Centre on Media and Child Health and the Clinic for Interactive Media and Internet Disorders, which focuses on issues associated with digital technology. He recommends that parents seek help when digital media starts preventing kids from doing normal activities, like sleeping and socialising. And he notes that overuse of digital media often accompanies an underlying condition such as anxiety or ADHD.Here are edited excerpts from an interview:How do you determine that a child has a problem with media or internet use?When their lives or their health are impaired by it. The thing that we see are sleep problems, either sleep deprivation and/or sleep disruption of various kinds. We are seeing academic failure. We are seeing social problems. We are seeing increases in anxiety and depression that have a relationship to but are not necessarily solely caused by problematic interactive media use.In many cases like, for example, with social anxiety, kids go to social media because it feels safer than interacting with people live. And yet they also ascribe a seriousness or gravitas to these relationships online that they can't sustain and so then they feel that they are falling short.What are some other red flags for parents to watch for?When the child starts dropping out of things that she or he loves. A lot of these kids will be athletes that just give up sports. Will give up social events or opportunities to do things outside the home because they want to stay in front of a screen.W hat kind of treatments do you provide?In virtually all cases these young people have an underlying diagnosis of ADHD, an anxiety disorder of some sort, sometimes mood disorders, that are driving these behaviours. And so we often identify the underlying issue and treat that. With ADHD we treat it with stimulants and behavioural modification. With anxiety disorders we'll use selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors [SSRIs] and talk therapy.What is the demand for treatment?The demand is quite high. Some of them are what we would call the worried well – parents who may be seeing what their kid is doing and thinking it's out of line but the kid is actually doing OK. But most of them are parents – or the kids and parents – who are in conflict about it.How should parents monitor their children's internet and media use?Instead of yelling, "Turn off that game, I hate it," sit down and play the game. Yes, you will not be happy; you will not win the game. But you're letting your child know that you care about them and what they're interested in; you care enough to be their student in how to do it. It also gives you a chance to see what's going on.Are time and usage limits a good idea?Limiting screen time is a good idea. Screen time limits are not. When you give a kid a screen time limit of, let's say, two hours a day, it makes it the forbidden fruit. It makes it the thing that they then feel they have the right to do the moment they come home from school. And at the end of that time they don't stop on their own. So it goes 15 minutes longer and it's a conflict every single time.So what do you recommend instead?Think with the child through their 24-hour day and start with the number of hours of sleep they need. A sit-down family meal every day, which is arguably the most protective thing you can do for your kids' mental health as well as their nutrition. Physical activity, getting outside and doing stuff. And do this with the kid so that you are helping them prioritise what they want to do, helping them be plan about what they do, and giving them the opportunity to step up and take responsibility for time management as opposed to you being the police officer and busting them.What about younger kids? What's appropriate internet and media use for them? Is it OK for 4- and 5-year-olds to be watching YouTube videos?Even with the very young kids we go back to the issue that these devices and platforms and applications are tools. Is this a tool that your 2-year-old will benefit from or not? If the child is learning his letters and numbers and that application is on an iPad that is great, but it's great when it is accompanied by a teacher or a parent working with them.Unfortunately, we are using these devices as electronic pacifiers or babysitters and sort of tossing them at the kids. And many, many of the apps that are out there that claim to be educational are not evaluated or tested.What's the most important thing parents should keep in mind when dealing with these challenges?Maintain communication with kids. I am as concerned about the amount of time parents are spending on screens as their kids are.I strongly recommend creating device-free zones because otherwise we are all distracted by the devices and we are not looking at and listening to each other.Write to Sumathi Reddy at sumathi.reddy@wsj.com

Red flags in your kid’s digital minefield

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