Mailbox: Where’s the Standard Bank 20-bar club when crisis hits?

From William Kelly*

Yet again it hits me and it sticks in my craw about just how we consumers are being taken for a ride. Yes, I realise this is a world-wide problem and it is not just related to South Africa but the thread is common.

I'm talking about the super companies. The super businesses that are growing to monopolistic proportions. The ones chiefly responsible for the growing gap between the haves and the have-nots. I'm talking about the companies that make it impossible to compete with – the ones generating more red tape and legislation that you can shake a stick at to keep competition from entering the market. The companies that as a result can truly stick it to their customers.

And no, in this particular case I am not talking about Monsanto or the Receiver of Revenue. I am however talking specifically about Standard Bank.

This latest debacle for instance. Look, I had my own IT company for years. I understand things can go wrong. It is not unreasonable, and even if things go seriously wrong it's not the end of the world. Inconvenient yes. Expensive yes. But no one is perfect. The vast majority of people understand that.

It is how you react when things go wrong. It is in your attitude. It is in your response, in your communications, in your admittance to a problem and in your ability to take ownership of, and responsibility for it.

In this Standard Bank have failed so miserably that they deserve censure. And this I give in measure for measure.

Nowhere has it been made apparent to me, or more forcibly, about how as a customer of theirs I exist only to serve them. I exist only to pay for the services that they reluctantly offer for my consumption, for which apparently, I should be eternally grateful.

I am treated like nothing more than their personal piggy bank. Part of the slop in the trough from which they feed. Part of the pie from which they feed.

Which, I understand. This is a South African Bank after all, and who realistically expects anything more? They;re too big to actually give a damn about me and so they play the numbers game – management through systems, categorisation based on profiles whilst spending wads of cash advertising that they care about me as an individual. Bullshit! A little honesty in advertising would go a long way in my particular case. You know? Something like: "We're a bank. You're a number. But at least you know where you stand and we will charge you less since we don't have to invest in millions worth of propaganda telling you otherwise".

And let me head this off at the hills – no, I am not changing banks because no matter which way you slice it, they are all the same. Been there, done that and now, it is purely because it is Standard Bank that have pissed me off the most that I am singling them out.

The question I have in this crisis is this. Where are the board? Where is the MD? Where is the CEO? These fat cats pulling 20 bar a year – where are they in the middle of a crisis on their watch?

There is no message or hint of an apology from up above. The ivory tower untouchable execs are to all intents and purposes, fiddling whilst their proverbial Rome burns. There is no message on their website. Nothing from their Facebook Page (other than an outdated self-congratulatory accolade about being number one in some or other bank sponsored meaningless survey). Their lackeys there are typing their fingers to the bone saying sorry – but what does that count for? Nothing. Because it comes from a faceless lackey, who genuinely doesn't care. They're just paid to type whatever they're told to type. And we, who use that page, KNOW IT.

Worst there has not been a single means of contact from these overpaid executives who I am afraid are totally out of touch with their customers, to we, their customers. Their means to their yachts. Their holiday pads in the South of France. Not an SMS. Not an e-mail. Not so much as a hint of a fax. Dare I ask for a phone call?

No. Standard Bank has offered nothing, zero, zip, nadda whatsoever in terms of any meaningful impact. All I get is a sense of being an irritation to them, a bother, a big fat hassle getting in way of their business of making money by plundering it from my bank account through any of a raft of fees, including I might add, a few for NOT making use of my overdraft (despite charging me an overdraft provision fee).

It is accentuated in times of trouble. And it filters down. The exact same attitude prevails at branch level. The manager at Cresta was equally dismissive of me. I just happened to sound off because the self same bank would not allow me to draw cash out of my own business bank account (my last remaining option) for some stupid reason of there being an "abnormal" amount of money put into the account (!).  Bank rules I was told, which in 28 years of dealing with them is the singularly FIRST time I have ever heard of such utter drivel.

All I appeared to be to her was a problem that she had to make go away as fast as possible. Solve my issue? Forget about it! At which I take umbrage and I have no qualms whatsoever about telling anyone, including her. I will not be pushed around like some mindless sheep, bullied into submission by som arbitrary bank rule of a hold for 24 hours, which self-same rule THEY BROKE not 20 minutes later anyway?!?

No. It's codswallop. Let's have a little transparency at Standard Bank. Let's have a little honesty. Let's have a little sweat by those execs pulling 20 bar a year. Let's see them earn the cash they extort as a mega company from their captive market.

Where are they anyway? Who and where are these faceless executives at Standard Bank? With whom does the buck stop, as opposed to being passed around?

Whomever you are – I'm calling your miserable ass out. Answer me. Meet me on stage, walk up to the centre and account for yourself. Here I am, just your miserable low life customer demanding something back for that which I pay you, in spades I might add. What threat could I pose to you?

Meet me. Account. Let's see what you're made of.

And yes, I want the 'service' charges across all my accounts reversed. Now.

Pardon me Alec, but I'm not holding my breath.

* William Kelly is a member of the Biznews Community.