Mercedes CLS 500: A garishly wonderful way to spend R1.4m

What is it?

Well that's a rather good question. The CLS marked the return of Mercedes Benz to the executive coupe market when it was launched back in 2004 – after a 9 year hiatus. Only the CLS isn't a true coupe, it has four door after all. But it doesn't have five seats like most saloons, because Merc opted for a coupe-esque 2+2 arrangement. It's all rather confusing.

But what isn't confusing is how good it looks.

On the inside

You're met with a deep burgundy leather, paired with black on the doors and dash. Normally I'd want to choke on the garishness of it all, but somehow it just fits the CLS.

There's all sorts of gadgetry on offer, from a R56,000 sound system to 360 degree park-assist camera system to massaging, climate controlled seats. It really is high end and a remarkably comfortable place to be.

Downsides are limited; a lack of rear headroom being the biggest gripe – but hey, you've got to get that sloping coupe look somehow.

On the outside

Regardless of the contradictions what Mercedes has achieved with this new one is a tremendous styling feat. It's sleek and low and wide and just looks menacing – like a proper two-door coupe from any angle.

A point worth highlighting is the optional paintwork called 'allanite grey magno'. It's like a matte gunmetal grey, but words alone don't do it justice. The additional cost for this luxury is a significant R46,000 but in my eyes I couldn't do without it.

Behind the wheel

Up front there's a mammoth 4.7 turbo-charged V8 powering the rear wheels and spitting out planet warping power and torque figures, which haul this near two-tonne monster from 0-100km/h in under 5 seconds. It is truly amazing how the CLS manages this kind of feat with minimal fuss. A pleasant, albeit subdued, bark emanates from the exhaust and you're off with nothing but faster moving objects outside the windows to gauge the increase in velocity. Gear changes out of the nine speed auto are slick and seamless, keeping the torque surge going without a hesitation.

Yet despite all the magic I've already described, the real magic comes in the way the CLS 500 behaves on the road. Bumps in the road? What bumps, I ask. The CLS handles road imperfections, and indeed speed bumps like you're wafting on a cloud.

But don't let that fool you into believing the CLS is a wobbly old girl. Far from it. Give it the beans and you'll be rewarded with a well-balanced chassis and suspension that hangs on in the corners keeping body roll perfectly in-check. And when it lets go, a very controllable – smile inducing – powerslide.

Verdict

If I'm honest with you I thought I'd hate the CLS – I mean it's a four door saloon trying to be a two door coupe, only with the wrong number of seats no matter which way you look at it. The price tag is a barking mad R1.4 million once you're done with the options list and it comes with ridiculous things like a R50k sound system.

Only I can't help but want this thing. A lot.

Price: R1 120 000
Engine: 4663cc eight cylinder turbo charged petrol
Power (kW): 300
Torque (Nm): 600
Acceleration (0-100km/h): 4.8
Top speed (km/h): 250
Consumption (l/100km): 8.5 (claimed)
Service: 6 year/100,000km maintenance plan