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Starting a new job is a prospect filled with excitement, anticipation, and for many of us, sheer, pulse-quickening terror. But if you can make through day one, you’ll probably be invited back for day two and beyond. Here’s what to do and what not to do in your brand-new workplace.
By Sam Wilson-Späth*
I am probably not the best person to write this column.
On the first day of my current job, I arrived at work in my new Country Road shirt (I work at Woolies), only to find my new boss wearing exactly the same garment as a dress. The x-small, as opposed to my x-large version. Fantastic.
This wasn’t as bad a first day as my previous job, though. On that first day, I tried to make friends with a nice-looking man on the balcony by inquiring about our boss. ‘Is he really like the Eye of Sauron?’ I quipped, trying to come across both hip and well read.
‘Well, not to me,’ said Nice Man, gently. ‘Because he’s my Dad.’ (The good news is that, 10 years later, Nice Man and I are still firm friends.)
Actually, maybe my clanger of a personality makes me a good person to give advice on surviving your first day. After all, I haven’t been fired yet.
Let me start with more don’ts.
Don’ts
- Try not to panic At some point on your first day, you are going to want to hide in the bathroom. It WILL get easier.
- Don’t hide in the bathroom all day Rule of thumb: 3 pee-length trips. No more.
- Don’t expect to get much done You are not conquering a to do list or impressing your colleagues today. You are getting your access card and finding the canteen.
- Don’t expect to have any idea of what you are doing Learning curve time means deep breaths, hard work and being kind to yourself. And that starts that first day.
- Try not to swear Every office has a different swearing culture. Get a sense of your new company’s swear jar rules before you start f’ing and blinding everywhere.
- Try not to talk too much It’s time to listen. If you are like me and ramble when you are nervous, make a small pen mark on your hand and every time you notice it, shut up. (Let me know if this works. It’s what I plan to try if I ever leave my current job.)
- Don’t eat garlic the night before Obvious, you’d think. But if you are a nervous eater, like me, and pizza is your go-to… it’s actually very easy to screw this up.
Right. Now what you should do. (Perhaps get someone else’s advice on this too. I’m not sure how much I can be trusted.)
Do’s
- Be on time It’s very easy to be late on your first day. You don’t know the traffic implications of your new commute, exactly how to negotiate your new parking… so decide when you want to leave and add half an hour.
- Bring your own pen and notebook You don’t know what you might have to jot down before you find the stationery cupboard.
- Find out where the toilet is Even if you don’t need to pee, you’re gonna need it. See above.
- Protect your spine If you can find a chair that doesn’t wobble or tilt, your first day has been a magnificent success.
- Find a nice person Just one is enough to make you okay with coming back tomorrow.
- Dress inconspicuously Unless you are starting a new job as a priest or magistrate, you’re not going to have a sense of how people dress at your new job. So don’t go too formal, too fashionable or too relaxed. You can work out what you feel best in, once you’ve got some work confidence going.
- Write down the names of the people you meet It’s terribly impressive to remember people’s names quickly. You might want to write them on a handily drawn seating plan, so they don’t all blur into one. If you’re bad at names, this is a must. I didn’t do this, and now there are people who I have been working with for 4 years, waiting in vain for someone to introduce them to a newbie in my presence.
Yup. Follow those rules and unless you have lied massively on your CV and have no hope of actually ever being able to do your new job…you should be golden. Good luck. And may the comfortable chair be within your grasp.
- Sam Wilson lives in Cape Town with her husband Andreas, and teenage sons, Josef and Benjamin. She works in content and social media, but spent over a decade writing parenting columns about her sons growing up, for a living. Now that they can read, they are less than amused.
- This article first appeared on the Change Exchange, an online platform by BrightRock, provider of the first-ever life insurance that changes as your life changes. The opinions expressed in this piece are the writer’s own and don’t necessarily reflect the views of BrightRock.
