Call a truce on the money wars

The last two years have been difficult for the average citizen. The combination of increasing fuel, utility, food and bond costs have taken a chunk out of people's wallets. According to the the 2013 Momentum/Unisa Financial Wellness report, the state of South African households financial wellness is declining year on year. According to the index, it weakened from 65.24 points in 2011 to 64.77 in 2012 and declined further to 64.06 points in 2013.

The index recognises the interactive impact of variables such as income, wealth, education, housing and personal empowerment in determining households' long term state of financial wellness. The survey showed that a lack of sufficient income (caused by a number of factors) is the major stumbling block preventing households from becoming more financially well.

At around the same time, The Justice Department's 2012-13 annual report produced some alarming figures on divorce statistics in South Africa. The report showed that divorce cases shot up by 28% to 50, 517 cases in 2013. It is no surprise that money was one of the biggest reasons cited as the cause of divorce.

Unless you have been living at Club Paradise on Nirvana Island, you will know that money issues cause huge problems in a marriage, or in any relationship for that matter. Most people assume that it's a scarcity of funds that causes the friction, however this is not the only factor for dissent in relationships.

Inconsistencies in financial fortunes, seriously upsets the status quo of a relationship. Research shows that marriages seem to do better when incomes are stable; even if they are a little tight. Another area of scratchiness between couples is spending habits. If one is a spender and the other a saver, battle lines will be drawn in permanent ink.

Complimentary value systems are also very important in a marriage. Many couples do not explore each other's value systems before they get married and conflict then ensues. For example, the woman may feel that it is important to live in an expensive neighbourhood but her spouse may prefer to live more modestly and travel. Different values concerning money and how it is spent, leads to conflict.

So how do you stop money wars in relationships? The first step is to make sure that your own money management views and habits are built on solid ground. If you grit your teeth, worried that your credit card will be declined at a restaurant, or if you constantly overspend to the point where you cannot afford important risk and investment products like life insurance and retirement funding, you have some work to do.

Try to approach your differences without finger pointing and blame. Rather identify the problem and work towards a solution. Discuss your concerns and focus on areas that need the most attention. Agree on common savings objectives- for each other as individuals and jointly.

If you are not yet married set time aside before the nuptials to discuss your financial game plan. Gather your respective credit card bills, store account bills, car lease commitments and loans and lay your cards;  literally and figuratively on the table.

Even if you don't agree on every point, a loose plan is better than none at all. It is easy to become caught up in day to day activities and lose sight of long term objectives. Therefore it's imperative to make a monthly savings commitment at the start. Life tends to throw lots of curve balls but, if you are on track with your long term savings, set backs are much easier to deal with.

To make sure that you retain a sense of personal freedom, each of you should have an allowance that can be spent on any whimsical item. Agree to that amount and don't sneak back into the kitty when it's gone during the first week. This will take the pressure of you having to justify personal expenditure to your spouse and allow for little luxuries without the guilt trip.

Both parties should manage the family finances, involve your partner so that he or she understands how much it costs to run the household. If you take a back seat then suddenly show an interest when it suits you, get ready for a fight.

Keep separate check accounts especially if you both work. The same applies with credit cards. You should not be made responsible for someone else's bad debt even, if you are married to them. Both partners should have a retirement plan. Insurance Company statistics show that very few people have saved sufficient funds for retirement. One pension is not usually sufficient to support two people in retirement. Both your names should be listed on all household accounts and investments. Money arguments will not go away on their own, it takes work, honesty, communication, common goals and large servings of patience and tolerance.

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