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Irreverent columnist Simon Lincoln Reader has had a lot of fun reflecting on 2020. Instead of plunging us into depression after a hard 12 months, he has applied his razor-sharp wit to put forward his nominations for awards for those who made their mark in the year of Covid. You either love or hate SLR, though his strong following suggests more in the former camp; the same could probably be said of his prize-winners. He has also produced a Late Night Live style show with two mates for you to watch. But be warned: the language is fruity at times and the content won’t suit the PC brigade. – Jackie Cameron
By Simon Lincoln Reader*
Welcome to the 3rd annual Biznews.com Awards of the Year. With 2020 being the strangest in living memory, we have decided to respond in two parts: firstly, with the awards column and secondly, with a video of the year in review in which a small panel will examine certain events that unfolded.
[NOTE: New categories have been added and others eliminated: who cares about cabinet appointments when political hypocrisy has mainstreamed and leaders now take the knee before their own stupidity?]
So to this year’s first prize…
Courage in the face of Authoritarian Groupthink (*NEW – replacing Cabinet Appointment of the Year)
Finalists: Nick Hudson (ZA); Great Barrington Declaration (Global); JK Rowling (UK).
Winner: Joint winners – Nick Hudson (ZA) and the Great Barrington Declaration (Global)
Remarks: In any other year, Joanne Rowling would have nailed it. Her defiance of the trans orthodoxy resulted in her being de-platformed and cancelled, by – amongst others – the snotty little actors whose careers would have been limited to a suburban Pizza Hut were it not for the best-selling author.
But Panda’s Hudson, along with Doctors Jay Bhattacharya, Sunetra Gupta and Martin Kulldorff faced far greater adversaries in resisting the Covid-19 hysteria: the self-appointed censors of Silicon Valley, the WHO, governments, a largely compliant, good-for-nothing media, politicised scientists, sleazy campaigners and opportunistic corporates. Hard lockdown enthusiasts have secured their accommodation in the Idi Amin Memorial Wing of hell.
Inquiry of 2020
Finalists: Impeachment Inquiry (US); Zondo Commission of Inquiry (ZA) Equalities and Human Rights investigation into antisemitism in the Labour Party UK)
Winner: Impeachment Inquiry (US)
Remarks: A repeat of last year’s finalists, and a different winner – because it was just so bloody stupid. But the predictable result revealed the behaviour of people like Jerrold Nadler, the dawdling supervisor from New York, and Mitt Romney, the Mormon robber baron whose unconvincing attempt to reinvent himself as a civil rights activist debuted in June. Yawn. Next.
Scandal of 2020
Finalists: The ANC (ZA); The Chinese Communist Party (CN); Hunter Biden’s laptop (US)
Winner: The Chinese Communist Party (CN)
Remarks: At the United Nations in November, the CCP’s man in New York, Jiang Duan, condemned – with a straight face – the “systemic racism” pervasive in the United States. Questions around whether the suit he wore on the day was weaved with hair extracted from Ugyhur Muslims remain unanswered.
Comeback of 2020
Finalists: Joe Biden (US); Herman Mashaba (ZA); Brexit (UK)
Winner: Joe Biden (US)
Remarks: The Big Guy, regularly the recipient of 10%, emerged from his basement in mid November with his carer to visit a CNA-equivalent – the latter directing the nice sales assistant to laminate a whole lot off stuff with the words “Office of the President-Elect”.
On the way home they visited a park, where Joe’s eyes seized painfully on a man sitting on a nearby bench, before his lips started quivering and he pointed with a shaky finger. “Relax Joe, he’s not on fire, he’s just vaping,” his carer scolded gingerly him, “now come now, here, stare at your new copy of Reader’s Digest instead.”
New SA Media startup of 2020 (*NEW – replacing Activist of the Year)
Finalists: Jerm (ZA); Morning Shot (ZA); New Frame (ZA)
Winner: Joint winners – Jerm and Morning Shot
Remarks: YouTube CEO Susan Wojcicki’s own grandfather was a Polish MP who resisted Communism’s tyranny in that country post WW II. Some generations later and everything is forgotten: “whatever, patriarchy”.
The condition is more complex and worthy of deeper analysis (see: part 2), but collusion between corporate media and Silicon Valley exists to eliminate / censor competition / dissenting opinion. Against this landscape, Roman Cabanac of Morningshot and Jerm have emerged as intriguing, alternative news sources unshackled by political correctness.
At the other end, New Frame is neat and presentable, but goodness gracious is it woke. And woke, well, you know what happens…
Most Annoying Political Statement of 2020
Finalists: “Trumpism” (Global); “Listen to the scientists!” (Global); “Criticising Israel Does Not Qualify at Anti-Semitism” (Global, but particularly relevant to the British, South African middle-class left).
Winner: “Listen to the scientists!”
Remarks: See final sentence of first award remarks. There’s a rumour Head Warden Robert Mugabe is particularly excited about handing out smelly towels to the line of wimpy UCT professors.
Wierdo of 2020
Finalists: Neil Ferguson (UK); Adam Schiff (US); Jack Dorsey (US).
Winner: Neil Ferguson
Remarks: The question I want answered is this: does he make his lover’s husband watch? Or does she? Circumstantial evidence would suggest its her – she used to work for George Soros, and there’s an innate cruelty in these sorts of people. But wouldn’t it be funny if it was Ferguson who ushers the helpless dweeb into a chair in the corner of the room and instructs him to sit still there for 3 minutes or less?
Fake News Distributor of 2020
Finalists: CNN (US); EWN (ZA); Daily Maverick (ZA)
Winner: Daily Maverick
Remarks: When the rubber hits the road. By placing their faith into the “Scientist’s Collective”, the Daily Maverick appears to be acknowledging that at some point in the not too distant future they too will be circulating an email to staffers, informing them they will be permitted to bring their cats to work to comfort them the day the proverbial hits the fan.
Special mention to EWN. This lot have unwittingly placed their reputation in the hands of the Never-Trumpers at AFP, which is tragic. There was a time in Primedia’s history when Jeremy Mansfield belched on air, when Samantha Cowan boasted about how she could demolish four litres of Ultra Mel custard in a single broadcast and when Revin John threatened to summon all southern suburb Karens and their FUPAs to a parking lot near Glenvista where they could stamp their feet as he delivered a political message about how crime was completely out of control. What a shame.
Public Enemy No 1. Of 2020 (*NEW)
Finalists: Boris Johnson (UK); Jacob Zuma (ZA); Ace Magashule (ZA)
Winner: Ace Magashule
Remarks: Nasty piece of work. Was even given extra marks for being the only finalist capable of controlling his urges (that we know of).
The Adriaan Basson Award for Sententious Political Commentary
Finalists: Adriaan Basson (ZA); Adam Boulton (UK); Melanie Verwoerd (ZA)
Winner: Adriaan Basson (just).
Remarks: Even by the usual standard’s of Basson’s habitual white-shame ablutions, March was a stinker. One Monday’s bowel movement saw his column transform the entire website into ChiCom propaganda: “Ons moes nie name the virus die China virus. Dit belongs to almal van ons.”
Special mention to Verwoerd, who surprisingly didn’t end up frightening herself to death with paranoid rage (nobody gets away that easy Missy: you’ll still be alive when the ANC starts being remembered like it was the Manson Family – good). Was particularly divisive in 2020, and you would expect her to know a thing or two about dangers of advocating division…okay let’s just stop right here.
Ego of 2020
Finalists: Andile Lungisa (ZA); Piers Morgan (UK); Nancy Pelosi (US).
Winner: Piers Morgan
Remarks: Ponce. Galloping, indignant Bresaola ponce, terrifying old people, admonishing everyone else. What an embarrassment.
Hypocrite of 2020 (*NEW – replacing Leader of the Year)
Finalists: Gavin Newsome (US); Meghan Markle and his wife (US/UK); Kay Burley (UK).
Winner: Kay Burley
Remarks: This mad cow once got into a fight with a fellow reporter. Fortunately others intervened just as Wigan’s finest was about to draw her blade (see photo).
This week she was taken off air for breaking lockdown rules – the same things she has spent the year condemning others for – and now her career is reportedly hanging by a thread.
So she’s buggered off to South Africa, and it’s the poor bloody lions of the Kruger National Park who’ll have to tolerate her piercing squeal for the next few weeks. Oh go on then Simba and co, do us all a favour…
Cyril Ramaphosa: The Audio Biography
Listen to the story of Cyril Ramaphosa's rise to presidential power, narrated by our very own Alec Hogg.