Male breastfeeding and ‘poo maps’ – an SLR romp

Some of us have to absorb Simon Lincoln Reader’s sentences slowly for they, like vodka from the freezer, take a while to warm your gullet and gut, the humour suddenly spreading and evoking a series of delighted belly laughs. Poking fun at the politically correct is great fun and he does it in style, scything down the self-important pundits and satirising those who create new gender, race and behavioural norms and then wallow in the pure waters of their moral rectitude. Gonzo journalism, by its very nature, cannot be populist. Heaven help us should it become so. One can only take so much objectivity. It helps to keep up with global politics if you want to reap the full benefits of this satire, even if you do know by now who the local ‘Beijing24’ are. The temptation to write off SA because of a hopefully short-lived ruling party gone to seed is well and truly tempered here. Don’t book your 2023 seat on Mars One just yet. – Chris Bateman

What CIAG has grasped…

By Simon Lincoln Reader*

If the US Secretary of Transport, Pete Buttigieg, were to up sticks with his husband or wife, jump on the United direct Newark to Cape Town and volunteer his services to the city, I’d hope the only enthusiasm he’d encounter would be from the aspiring male breastfeeders employed by Beijing24, who would arrange an intergenerational, clothing-optional reception at the local Turkish bath. Then what? What would the DA do were he dumped outside its head office? I’d like to think mayor-elect Hill-Lewis is wily enough to politely decline, but perhaps identitarian creep is now robust enough to withstand common sense, and the hopeless Mayor Pete would eventually be given the opportunity to screw up Cape Town’s bus system, just like he screwed up South Bend’s bus system … just like he’s screwing up the entire mainland US supply chain.

Many South Africans, robbed of two years exposure to the US, will unlikely be thrilled with what they find in cities there, particularly on the west coast, where liberal/democrat/activist-administered metros are knee-deep in trouble or, more appropriately, faeces. In Los Angeles, there’s not a single bridge that doesn’t feature homeless groups sleeping underneath it. In San Francisco, there’s now a ‘poo map’ freely available (they don’t have a ‘psycho-with-a-syringe map’ yet – watch this space). In Portland, Oregon, not a night passes without the antifa black-bloc death cult trying to burn down an orphanage or a courthouse. You may wish to visit Santa Barbara but only if you delight in being called a racist by Mr Meghan Markle and his wife Harry.

The problem extends beyond the likes of New York or Chicago. In Italian cities like Milan and Florence – ordinarily associated with high fashion and art history – the street crime has spiked almost uncontrollably, and services have declined in quality. The buffoonish Mayor of Florence last year commissioned a ‘Hug-an-Asian’ campaign to combat discrimination prompted by the coof. That didn’t work out so well. In Glasgow, Scotland, the premises of this farce featuring private jets and the ‘President’ of the United States passing wind in front of women, there are approximately 1.5 million rats. The brainiac woman in charge, a socialist SNP member, blamed Margaret Thatcher.

This is what makes the work of the Cape Independence Advocacy Group compelling. They appear to have grasped that – although the Western Cape appears safe from ANC misery for the time being – activist-led administration is just as much a threat and can come from anywhere.

Obviously, the immediate reflex has been to accuse CIAG of ‘racism’. This is not new: I was always amused at the spectacle of a C-rate celebrity, like Felicia’s daughter or Simphiwe Dana, arriving in Cape Town on a Friday, getting all wankered up at Cubana or any other fine white-leather sofa establishment, then breaking from the turmoil of a pig-headed hangover in the Mango airport queue on a Sunday night to compose a tweet: “Cape Town is racist!”

This is not the case. It was in Minneapolis, scene of a gruesome death in May last year, that the theory of ‘defund the police’ first emerged. Sponsored by NGOs and corporates, some of whom unforgivably applied it to their own marketing campaigns, it appeared unstoppable. So on 3 November 2021, the city held a vote to disband the Minneapolis Police Department, to be replaced by social workers who would presumably arrive at murder or hostage scenes clutching petitions and other social justice literature (“Hello, my name is Gordon, my preferred pronouns are They/Them. I identify as something of a gender outlaw [giggle] and I acknowledge the traditional owners of the land. Now, would you mind awfully if I asked you to take the gun away from that woman … DAMN IT … person with a cervix’s throat?”).

The activists behind the campaign were confident, but not only did they lose on the day, it appeared that concerned communities – predominantly occupied by working class people of colour – had voted firmly against the hysteria.

If there’s a lesser-spoken revelation of last week’s elections, it’s that the days of blind racial and class solidarity are drawing in: if the combination of managerial incompetence and ideological retardation continues to produce the results it does in cities and counties across the developed world, it will be difficult to identify why CIAG won’t grow into a profound political force. With support from potentially everywhere, including that the dominant parties have taken for granted.

  • Simon Lincoln Reader works and lives in London. You can follow him on Substack.

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