Wake up, sheeple! Those “birds” in your garden aren’t hunting worms—they’re spying on you. Ducks tilt their heads to eavesdrop, and why do “birds” sit on power lines? Recharging, obviously. The Birds Aren’t Real conspiracy claims they’re drones, and while it’s satire, some still believe. Be careful what you say. Cal Clarke’s conspiracy was first published on FirstRand Perspectives.
Birds aren’t real
By Cal Clarke
Wake up sheeple!
Do you think that thing flapping its ‘wings’ in your garden is there because it’s looking for worms? No sir – it’s information it wants!
Do you ever notice how when you go to the lake and feed the ducks they tip their heads slightly forward as if they are turning their ears your way? Well – what if they are?
Sure, a few years ago, you would have laughed at my claims and called me a conspiracy theorist. But what do you say to a conspiracy theorist in 2023 other than “I’m so sorry I ever doubted you?”
It only takes a while before you can start connecting the dots.
For billions of years, there were no electrical wires, and now, suddenly, we’re to believe that birds just sit on them? Why would birds sit on a man-made, artificial network of power lines spanning all our countries? You can believe the mainstream media, or you can admit that they won’t. Real birds, that is. The only possible reason they’ll sit there is obvious once you start waking up to the truth. Because obviously: they are recharging.
Between 1959 and 1971 the US Government actually killed all the birds and replaced them with lookalike drones to spy on citizens. That little smudge on your windshield dropped from the sky? A tracking device.
The conspiracy theory was the brainchild of Peter McIndoe. Inspired by what he saw at various political rallies and counter rallies in January 2017, he created it on a whim. He simply wrote ‘Birds Aren’t Real’ on a poster, improvised the theory, and a video went viral. After that, thousands joined the movement.
A satirical conspiracy theory – a carbon copy of the real thing, one that operates in very similar ways. Since the movement began, it has grown by leaps and bounds. There are regular protests and an annual convention. McIndoe has had several media appearances, masterfully speaking, erm, truth to power and refusing to be tricked by MSM (mainstream media). After placing a billboard in Nashville, local TV interviewed McIndoe, asking if the movement was satirical. Ge denied it, saying he was offended by the question.
He appeared on Chicago TV as well, Vice, and 60 Minutes—eventually breaking character and laughing. He said he wanted to laugh at conspiracy theories as a phenomenon to create a safe space for others to laugh at it in crazy times. In 2023, he gave a TED Talk about the movement. You can also buy his book for 29 dollars: Birds Aren’t Real: The True Story of Mass Avian Murder and the Largest Surveillance Campaign in US History.
It’s all fun, it’s all in good cheer, and it’s grown into a social movement that fights lunacy with lunacy.
But there’s a punchline…
It might be funny and fake, but it just takes one person with issues on a dark corner of the web to actually believe it and you have a runaway train. Google, for example, “Alex Jones Gay Frogs” and you’ll be treated to video clips and music remixes featuring famous conspiracy theorist Alex Jones saying something completely ridiculous. It’s outrageous, absurd, and debunked and he should be banned from all platforms. A 2010 paper from the University of California Berkeley did find that as many as 1 in 10 male frogs exposed to the common pesticide atrazine experience hormonal imbalances that turn them female. Not the same thing, but close enough to make him true, or kinda true, and kinda is good enough in the wacky world of conspiracy theories.
For fun or bonus points, you can also Google ‘conspiracy theories that turned out to be true’…
So, by all means, have fun and laugh away… but be careful what you share. You never know when a little bird will repeat it to the authorities…
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