The world has radically transformed in the past month, with vast swathes of the globe effectively under house arrest as governments try to contain the spread of Covid-19. In South Africa, there’s an irony that cannabis was recently legalised, but it’s now illegal to buy cigarettes manufactured by tobacco companies. London-based Saffer Simon Lincoln Reader highlights how the UK has become Orwellian: police duties have changed radically, with officers turning away from knife crime and drug trafficking to investigating whether motorists have breached laws for non-essential travel. He reckons President Cyril Ramaphosa deserves a medal for working on resuming normality in South Africa as soon as possible. A satirist, Lincoln Reader shares his decidedly serious list of modern day heroes. – Jackie Cameron
SLR: 10 Heroes of Covid-19
By Simon Lincoln Reader*
Here in London, its unfortunately its not possible to end this free 30-day trial of Communism early. Plod has temporarily shelved the glitter and high heels he wears for Pride events to i) pour black dye into a photogenic lagoon in Derbyshire, ii) use drones to monitor people walking their dogs and, iii) inspect the contents of shopping bags to determine whether items are “essential”. In comparison to South Africa however, these are luxuries, so if we’re all in Pyongyang now, some of us are attending the Red Flag Mangyongdae Revolutionary School, whilst the rest sift blighted dirt and soil looking for nice stones to eat.
But amidst the unfolding turmoil, there are people working hard to contain the hysteria, heal the sick – and those who have the means or ability to see the world resume normal service.
10. Professor Chris Witty, (UK)
No sooner had this gentle-eyed, hugely admired boffin entered the oak panelled press room at Downing Street when the hysterical left wrecked itself, as is its way. “Bug-eyed Tory” and “Dishevelled lunatic whose probably giving his friends business” were just two of many insults hurled at him. Now suffering symptoms of the virus, Professor Witty has been re-assuring, calm and mature.
9. Professor Sunetra Gupta, (UK)
Imperial College’s report turned us into socialists in 3 weeks without asking permission. Led by Professor Neil Ferguson, the model initially stated that 270,000 would perish, before being revised to 25,000 and finally, settling in on 5,700 – approximately 15,000 less than those killed by The Beast of The East in 2018.
Oxford’s report, led by Professor Gupta, Professor of Theoretical Epidemiology at Oxford University, claimed that half the country might have already suffered COVID 19. It was immediately attacked by rogue, nakedly partisan media. But if this hadn’t happened, we might never have known that Ferguson’s mentor and close chum Roy Anderson once claimed that Professor Gupta had only ascended to her Readership at Oxford because she slept with the head of her department (she took Anderson to court and won an apology). Even at the most inappropriate of times, science is fraught with rivalry.
8. Johann Rupert and Nicky Oppenheimer, (SA)
The reason why you haven’t heard anything about “White Monopoly Capital” lately was because it was a myth to start with, only succeeding insofar as to make some of the editorial team at News24 feel very, very guilty about being white.
7. Sir James Dyson, (UK)
The UK’s equivalent of Rupert/Oppenheimer. Loathed by the left and fans of Sir Ed Davey, interim leader of the Liberal Democrats. In 10 days the acclaimed inventor and his team designed a ventilator which will now be put to use in hospitals across the world. There’s a reason why he was asked to be involved, and not, for example, Extinction Rebellion.
When this is all over, I do hope that we continue to maintain social distancing from people who support the likes of Sir Ed. Preferably stretch 2m so that it becomes 10m.
6. Bruce Whitfield/Grant Pattison, (SA)
Whitfield’s show featuring Edcon CEO’s Pattison’s message to suppliers was an astonishing and desperate thing to listen to.
Both are great, great men and have excelled in their respective fields as examples to the benefit of all. Important to acknowledge in these miserable times the quality of people South Africa repeatedly produces.
5. Boris Johnson, (UK)
I erred in my initial assessment of the Prime Minister’s response.
At his announcement last Monday night the tension in his face was visible: he was deeply uncomfortable with announcing the new rules of lockdown, soft as they are. Liberty and the economy are the two most important functions in Johnson’s society. We must resist the temptation to attribute capitalism to the contagion.
4. The Elderly, (Everywhere)
What a time to be an OAP. You’re terrified of being out in the elements, terrified of being in shopping aisles – when a benefits slob pushes past you to bearhug all the crisps and biscuits on the shelf. But miraculous stories have been emerging of the vulnerable – not only surviving the virus but willing to assist where required.
3. Taiwan
Treated appallingly by WHO, Taiwan’s reaction proved that the country doesn’t believe in making the same mistake twice. Its pledge to donate 10m masks to Europe and the US will no doubt enrage Beijing.
2. Cyril Ramaphosa, (SA)
To suggest that the ANC, by way of its history, is naturally comfortable with authoritarianism is to oversimplify a profoundly considered position.
And part of Ramaphosa’s decision to enforce such uncompromising restrictions was this: there is just no money to respond in the way other countries have. The nine wasted years of sleaze and graft and insatiable, demented tenderpreneurism have weakened state apparatus to the point where they don’t even exist.
Covid-19 has the potential to reveal the consequences of corruption the Zondo Commission could only dream of, so I guess now would be the time for Jessie Duarte to start sh**** herself.
1. Doctors, nurses, shelf stackers, pharmacists, farmers, delivery drivers, plumbers, builders, roadworkers, taxis, vaccine developers everyone else involved on the front lines.
Turns out we never needed celebrities or influencers anyway.
- Simon Lincoln Reader works and lives in London. You can follow him on Medium.
