Change isn’t always easy when you’re going through the Change of Life.
By Janine Dunlop
No, it can’t be you. Surely you were born yesterday? I need to speak to someone who was out of the toddler stage when I became an adult.
Don’t cry. Okay, I’ll speak to you until the actual manager arrives. My complaint is this:
It’s Everything. You haven’t included “Everything” in your drop-down list on the complaints form, have you?
Where is the checkbox that says, “Everything is wrong and I want to put on record my objection to all of it, in strong terms”?
Well, if you’re just going to stand there, staring blankly at me, I’ll just compose a letter of complaint and post it on social media.
You need me to be more specific? Okay, then. What’s your beef with women?
No, don’t try to distract me by saying you’re a vegetarian and you’re triggered by my terminology.
I’ll rephrase. Why do you hate women?
Yes, it’s a real question. Because it’s women who go through menopause, “the change”, “change of life”.
Which is why I need to speak to the manager. About menopause.
Medically, it’s called the climacteric and it’s seen as a developmental stage.
But I object to calling anything that turns me into a rage-y, screechy, door-slamming 50-something-year-old adolescent, “development”.
Yes, I know not all women experience physical or psychological symptoms like night sweats, mood swings, or weight gain. Doesn’t really help the rest of us, though, does it?
Would your staff members stand for it if some received a salary, and others a beating at the end of each month? No, I thought not.
It’s a gift, you say? I should embrace this stage of my life? Shall we just pretend I didn’t hear that?
Because I can think of a few things I want to do right now, and “embracing” literally anything isn’t even close to top of that list.
Surely menstrual cramps were enough? Or maybe you thought it would also be fun to watch us women go a bit mad for a few days of the month while our hormones took a nosedive?
What about giving us less muscle mass than men, effectively making most women useless at defending themselves physically? And then to go and give us sole ownership of birth pain…it’s a bit excessive, don’t you think?
When you put it all together, it starts to look very much like you’re not terribly fond of us.
Yes, you’re right. This stage has the potential to be wonderful.
Becoming our true selves, appreciating the ageing process denied to many, imparting wisdom to the younger generations – all noble and lovely.
And this stage is fabulous, if you enjoy turning, slowly and inescapably, into your father: moustachioed, bearded, and balding.
I’d pluck my beard if I could see it, but apparently you saw fit to couple this life stage with failing eyesight.
This stage is fun if you’ve always dreamed of replacing rational thought with volcanic rage.
And if sweaty insomnia is your thing, you’re going to love being menopausal. I’m convinced that we use the mild term, “hot flush” to avoid alarming sensitive listeners.
I think “raging internal inferno” describes these events more accurately.
I haven’t reached the “appreciative” stage of menopause yet. I’m sure it will come. For now, I’m leaning towards the sole gift that this stage seems to have given me: the ability to speak my mind.
An internal inferno and sleeplessness will do that. Truth pours out, unfiltered.
No, don’t cry again. Your tears are smudging my complaint. Now run along and deliver this message to your superior.
You have more than a few unhappy customers who have some choice words to say about this stage of life. It might be good for business if you listened and took notes!
- This article first appeared on the Change Exchange, an online platform by BrightRock, provider of the first-ever life insurance that changes as your life changes. The opinions expressed in this piece are the writer’s own and don’t necessarily reflect the views of BrightRock.
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