The SLR awards: From Scam Bankrun-Fraud to Elon Musk, a mixed tale of ‘not that bad’

Simon Lincoln Reader takes a look at the year that was and gives his views on some of the more bizarre developments. He says there’s a reason we’re not hearing much about Scam Bankrun-Fraud (Sam Bankman-Fried) and the collapse of FTX, for instance – and that’s because the Democrats and its allies, all beneficiaries of his depositor’s cash, are scrambling to cover up as much as possible. Read his amusing awards in various categories in his column below. – Sandra Laurence

This year hasn’t been all that bad!

By Simon Lincoln Reader*

At which point exactly did you think 2022 would be better than 2021? Myself? On the 7th of November actually, when I tiptoed to a newspaper for the first time since $cientists at The Wuhan Institute of Virology started carrying around gain-of-function research in plastic lunchboxes. But just as I was about to order a coke, Balenciaga’s satanic pedos went and nuked the world – probably because they were themselves nuked: the sicko, woke, degenerate creatives attempting to normalise and mainstream child pornography all grew up in or around Chernobyl, so their brains resemble the stuff Monsieur Creosote threw up into a bucket during “The Meaning of Life”. 

Come on – 2022 wasn’t all bad. There was the back of Nancy Pelosi. Anthony Fauci too – my neighbour’s Beagle is particularly happy that he’ll never be waterboarded by that maniac. The UK’s equivalent of Fauci, a demented monkey called Jeremy Farrar, resigned at the end of 2021 in disgust that the UK wouldn’t lock down again, then threw a spastic tantrum that the public didn’t protest his resignation, then launched an unhinged investigation into the organisation that pays his salary – The Wellcome Trust – then concluded that it was racist. So if you’re thinking about donating to Britain’s largest funder of scientific research and thereby contributing to Farrar’s salary – please don’t – bloody thing is racist. 

There was the humiliation of Jacinda Trudeau by Chairman Xi – he/his idol – in Indonesia. He/Him could hardly walk afterwards. A Springbok victory in Sydney then, more importantly, in London. Elon being an edgelord, nature healing. Sam Bankman-Fried – or Scam Bankrun-Fraud –  unintentionally revealing just how corrupt the Dems and the fawning regime media are. Top Gun Maverick. The War on Drugs’ best album yet. 

And the mysterious Arthur Fraser walking into a police station. ‘Good Nazis’. The absolute state of Maricopa county elections in Arizona, US. The post-coof world power centres – three letters, zero democracy. And the disembowelling of the anti-war and women’s rights movements, proving (as if we needed more evidence) that cowardice remains free and readily available. 

There is only one change for this year: we’ve expanded the scope of the new media startup to include the US and the UK. Alright then, boys – pour yourself 5 or 6 fingers and let’s get right up in this. 

1. Courage in the face of authoritarian group think

Nominees: Elon Musk (SA), Tucker Carlson (US), Mark Steyn (Canada / Belgium)

Winner: Elon Musk

Steyn was only meant to fill a few hours in on GB News, but ended up wiping the floor with his useless rival Piers Morgan (more about Piers Moron shortly). Carlson took a pay reduction to mitigate projected losses of advertising revenue for scrutinising what’s really going on in the Ukraine (point to the sanitary-pad-wearing men of Twitter blue and regime media: Vladimir Putin is a pathological psycho – we know that. What we don’t know is: i) why Hunter Biden was appointed to the board of a company whose founder also happens to be Vlodomyr Zelenskyy’s patron; i) why, for so many years, regime media obsessed over Ukraine being one of the most corrupt countries in the world – “with a real Nazi problem” – then stopped. So cry/cope harder losers – these are entirely legitimate, necessary questions. 

Our boy (we’re claiming Musk as our own) has only set them off – and few would dare bet against him. Needed to happen; that dump was a long-drop of regime whining and outrage, virtue signalling, child sexual exploitation, coof mis and disinformation. Hands down winner. 

2. Inquiry of 2022

Nominees: Jan 6th (US), Covid Inquiry (UK), Zondo Commission (ZA)

Winner: Covid Inquiry (UK)

Just like the impeachment farces, 6 January is a massive disappointment, and will soon be scrapped – however much it outrages America’s war mongers. Zondo Commission? Went on bit, sure, but at least we got the privilege of watching Beijing24’s editor take himself extremely seriously (he went home afterwards to write a love letter to America’s sockpuppet: “Haai, Joe”). 

The Covid Inquiry has just started here in the UK. I suspect the dark forces of lockdown and vaccine enthusiasts have already had the chance to give its terms of reference a body cavity search. 

3. Scandal of 2022

Nominees: Phala Phala (ZA), Sam Bankman-Fried & FTX (US), Chris Pincher (UK) 

Winner: Scam Bankrun-Fraud & FTX 

Notable mention: Jacinda Trudeau testing positive for fascism in Canada.

Despite the findings of the panel, Phala Phala won’t be the win Arthur Fraser thinks it will. In the best case of 2022’s nominative determinism, Chris Pincher, a notorious Conservative party nonce, tried one on a prospective catamite at London’s Carlton Club. Bizarrely, the catamite resisted, which they’re not supposed to. 

Pincher had before tried to Spanish Fly my friend, Alex Story. Problem is, Alex is 6’7” and a former Olympian rower, so the nonce got the dosage wrong. The latest groping ultimately led to Boris Johnson being hoofed. 

There’s a reason why you’re not hearing much about Scam Bankrun-Fraud and the collapse of FTX. That’s because the Democrats and its allies – all beneficiaries of his depositor’s cash – are scrambling. Bottom line: he stole it, he lavished it on the Dems, a few tepid Republicans and regime media – like the grotesque Pro Public, Semafor and The Intercept. So say what you like about the thrice failed Dem Beto O’Rourke from Texas – at least he rejected the vegan slob’s offer to donate $1m. 

This is the greatest fraud in modern history. Keep an eye on it for 2023. 

4. Comeback of 2022

Nominees: Rishi Sunak (UK), Donald Trump (US, Jacques Pauw (ZA)

Winner: Jacques Pauw (ZA)

Was hoping to never see Sunak again – or, as the perpetually coherent Joe Biden calls him, “Rashid Sanook”. He may survive until 2024’s General Election, but he’ll back in Santa Monica shortly thereafter. Trump’s decision to return was obvious.

Now, now, dear – let me ask you a question: what is worse? A journalist who drinks one too many sambucas at the waterfront in the company of a young Mozambican lady, gets into a fracas, ends up in the stinker – then writes about it, possibly embellishing one or two points on account of his condition? Or an editor who sniffs around London for cash, fires his only good journalist for having one too many sambucas at the waterfront in the company of a young Mozambican lady, who then accepts dark money from Open Society – on the basis that his editorial standard is tailored to the dark money’s political agenda – then who pays other, rubbish journalists with massive foreheads to smear people like Nick Hudson? 

Jacques Pauw is back. All I have to say to him: China…try not to forget the people who had your back when those you considered “friends” were stabbing it. 

5. New Media startup of 2022

Nominees: Chris Waldburger – Substack (ZA), Rich Baris – The People’s Pundit (US),  Podcast of the Lotus Eaters (UK)

Winner: Podcast of the Lotus Eaters (UK)

Expanded in 2022 to include the UK and the US. Chris Waldburger’s work is worth reading and Rich Baris is a superior pollster  not superior enough though to understand the whimpering shithole that is Maricopa County’s electoral board and its “rules”). 

Podcast of the Lotus Eaters is a video identity of good, consistent longform, the type you once – in the distant past – occasionally encountered in Rolling Stone, Vanity Fair or the New Yorker. 

6. Most Annoying Political Statement of 2022

Nominees: “ToriesOut” (UK), “Straight-out-of-Putin’s-playbook (US), “Democracy is on the ballot, folks” (US)

Winner: “Democracy is on the ballot, folks”

Soon, evidence of Joe Biden’s corruption will overwhelm everyone and everything. At the point at which there’s a shortage of adult nappies in the world – thanks to the all regime media’s damaged and deranged fact-checkers furiously working at their desks through the night in a futile attempt to finger the dike – he’ll be diagnosed and admitted, taking away from us the hideous, factually corrupt spectacle of one man from one party claiming to own democracy. Woke Democrats are no longer just the enemy of the people; now the world too. 

7. Weirdo of 2022

Nominees: Taylor Lorenz (US), Alastair McAlpine-MD (ZA), Mermaids (UK)

Winner: Tie – Mermaids and Alastair McApline (ZA) 

Notable mention: Nuked Balenciaga pedos. 

Taylor Lorenz, like Scam Bankrun-Fraud, is a child of vast, mesmerising privilege, who uses her privilege to circulate zero-Covid effluent and other GEN Z woke hysteria (she’s also in her forties – loser). But this is not the loser award – it’s much much worse, and it can only be won by a highly controversial “charity” in the UK which stands accused of sending out chest binders (“breast flatteners”) to children despite their parents’ protestations, alongside Alastair McAlpine-MD, notorious South African catfisher in Canada – arguably the country’s worst export of 2022. 

8. Adriaan Basson Award for Sententious Political Commentary 

Nominees: Adriaan Basson (ZA), Melanie Verwoerd (ZA), Sajid Javid (UK)

Winner: Melanie Verwoerd (ZA) 

Beijing24’s editor wet himself – and everyone else – about a story in a Stellenbosch university dormitory that could have been handled so constructively. Thanks to him and others, a sense of lingering resentment will accompany all the characters of this unfortunate incident. 

Saj is a former Douche Bank passage boy who can’t handle the consequences of the mess he and his colleagues have made – so has this week penned a completely exaggerated account of his “achievements” – and buggered off. 

But Melanie takes it this year. Even when America’s most deranged leftists have no choice but to accept coof’s true origin (gain of function + lunchboxes), she’ll still be waving the zoonotic theory’s flag, like that Japanese soldier who refused to accept the war had ended, and lived alone in the jungle for the rest of his life. 

9. Ego of 2022

Nominees: Piers Morgan (UK), Annalena Baerbock (DEU), Thierry Breton (FR)

Winner: Piers Morgan (UK)

Baerbock believes that its more important Ukraine defeats Russia than ensuring her citizens survive an almost certainly miserable winter. Breton is a little EU bureaucrat who thinks he can take on our boy Elon. Not gonna happen, creep. 

But Moron. Worst deal of the brilliant dealmaker Rupert Murdoch’s career (much worse than his divorces): he handed this oke Moron north of $15m – plus use of his Gulf Stream – for a steaming coil of outdated, unfunny and subsequently painful-to-watch “talk television”. Moron’s show is not remotely stimulating but you knew that: he will not be remembered for television, but, like so many others, for his behaviour during coof. What a howling embarrassment; what lack of self-awareness. 

10. Fake News Distributor of 2022

Nominees: Karin Jean-Pierre (US, Nina Jankowitz (US), Rolling Stone (US) 

Winner: Rolling Stone (US)

Dominated by the US for the simple reason that no other administration, or media industrial complex in the world spreads more fake news. 

Sometimes I feel for the hapless White House press secretary and her friend Jankowitz, two American women trapped in Sir Walter Scott’s quote of 1808 – but most times, actually, I don’t. They’ve been consumed, employed and programmed by the cult. Maybe one day I will buy robots that look and speak like KJP or Jankowitz. Shout at them to make me a martini or something. 

Speaking of cults. Few once great media institutions have fallen so hard and so pathetically as Rolling Stone. From embarrassing itself with fake claims about ivermectin to its owner urging more state-sponsored censorship, it has gone, signalling a future limited to promote drag Queen brunch hours across America. Jimi Hendrix weeps painfully. 

11. Politician of 2022

Nominees: Mick Lynch (UK), John Fetterman (US), Ron de Santis (US)

Winner: Ron de Santis (US)

If succeeding at instigating chaos is a metric, then the UK’s trade union baron Lynch has blown the lights out. Fetterman I included because the spectacle of a politician, felled by a stroke into mental impairment yet still gets elected, might be a rare occurrence in Papua New Guinea or Haiti – but not in America, lads.

It has to be de Santis. In four years he grew a majority of just under 20000  – to over 1.5m. A centre-right politician, family man, ex-pro baseball, navy guy. Hates woke effluent. At the onset of coof, many of us would have probably never expected to see someone like this again. Takes on power centres, groomers and tells media to get bent. What a winner.

  • Simon Lincoln Reader works and lives in London. You can follow him on Substack.

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